These are my favorite entries..enjoy
So, you guys are asking, what are you sick of Dani?
I'm sick of not having any boobs. I used to have some. Where'd they go? Oh ya, I had kids huh?
I miss my boobs. They made me look complete. Anatomical. Balanced. They would bounce when I ran or even moved for that matter. I could put nice tight shirts on and I looked ok. Hot, actually. I would buy cute bras to put my treasures in, coordinate them to the day's wardrobe. Nice V neck shirts just to give a glimpse of cleavage. A button down top with the buttons down. A long necklace to accentuate my bountiful buddies. My friends used to be envious, asking where I got them from. Now, they ask where they went. I don't know. I had kids and lost the baby weight and then some.
Maybe my dear boobies decided to leave with the weight. Maybe they decided that I didn't need them anymore because now " I'm a Mom" and just left. They packed their bags and said "hell with this shit" and abandoned me. They left me with nothing but good memories and a " tad bit" of reminders that they had once existed. Oh , how I miss my boobies.
So I concluded. If they were such great friends of mine, why did they leave? Obviously they were backstabbing traders. Friends just don't abandon friends, especially in a time of need. So I learned that I can replace those back stabbing trader bitches. Noooo, not with surgery guys. I'm too big of a chicken shit. Nope I can replace them with these.
Oops wrong picture.
I meant these.
But then it got me thinking. Why just one alternative when there's so many on the market. I can combine all the alternatives and create some big bouncy boobies that I once had. Fuck those bitches that left me, I'll make my own.
So I ate a lot of these.
And rubbed a bunch of this on, over and over again.
I even used this suction device thingy.
While chewing this gum.
While so deeply consumed over my obsession, I remembered that my husband had nothing to play with, while I was "upgrading".
So I bought him these mouse pads for the computer. It shut him up in the meantime.
My pills ran out, I rubbed all of my cream on and chewed all of my gum. The suction on my machine thingy was giving way and I knew it was time to check my results.
And this is what I was left with.
Shit....what did I do? At least my husband still had something to play with.
So
it's been a crazy weekend. On weekend holidays like this one, we
usually have a shit load of family visiting etc. Well, my husbands Mom
came up to visit us for the weekend. Now, this lady is a pain in the
ass big time. I dread her visits. She's an evil woman.
I
have a big duck pond right up the street that my kids love to feed. We
save all of our old food but mostly moldy bread to feed to the ducks
and geese. I usually keep the moldy bread in a certain spot so my kids
know not to eat it. Usually the bright green and blue array of colors
are the key indicators to not eat the bread.
6/17/0 Im gonna be poor and f*cking starve to death.
Can someone please tell me what's going on with the freaking economy? I am really starting to think that all of this bull shit is nothing but a big fat conspiracy.
Here I am. A mom,wife/woman that works for nice money, hourly. My husband works for very nice money hourly also. (Say that 10 x fast). I know that we have a bunch of kids, which is cool, but normally our combined income would justify that. I now find myself paying 8.00 for a gallon of milk and 4.00 for a loaf of bread. We faithfully go through a loaf and a gallon a day. I currently pay 4.35 a gallon of gas. My electric bill went up, taxes went up and the price of everything that you need, food/clothes, all went up.
I woke up this morning and sat on the couch watching the news. Because of the midlands being flooded. There will be not much grains, corn and livestock. Whatever that we do have is going to be increased in price at about 20%. Are you for fucking real? How are we as working class citizens able to afford ANYTHING? You literally have to work until you die, just to eat. What I don't get is how a country that has all of the other countries in the world's answers, how do we not have any of our selves? Did the U.S.A forget that it has people too? I have really contemplated quitting my job and just going on welfare. I seem to think that, that's the only possible solution left. Fuck getting an education and a degree. Fuck trying to better yourself and your family. It'll get you no where......
Sorry guys for not posting yesterday. I just needed a break. Just when you think you have nothing to write about, sure as shit, there's another surprise.
I'm gonna take you back to square 1 for a minute. You see, when I feed my kids their dinner (Ya, I feed my kids dinner, this way they can't tell their teachers that I'm starving them) they have to eat all or most of it before they're allowed to have a snack. They almost always finish, with a few exceptions of course. So lately, my daughter has been finishing pretty quick, this way she can be the first one to get icecream. Well, last night the potty just wasn't working right at all. My husband plunged it and it just didn't seem to do the trick. So this morning, after someone taking a massive dump, he came to the realization that he needed to take the toilet out and snake the pipes ( Ha ha ha , I said snake the pipes). After realizing that there was nothing wrong with the actual pipes, my husband tried to clear the toilet bowl line. Four attempts later, he broke open the throne.
This was that last day of my old faithful friend. My potty. My office chair. My serenity. My potty was a very faithful friend. One that has always supported me through thick and thin. It was there for my morning hangovers as well as my many stomach flus. It was there for me after every birth of all of my kids (If I hide in the bathroom, the baby won't hear me). It was there for me when I needed to cry, it was also there for me when I was pissed and needed to scream. My potty was there for me when I needed quiet, or if I had a really important phone call. My potty even helped me with my blog, for those times that I needed to think in peace. My potty...Noooo, not my throne...SMASH... and so that was it. My old faithful friend was gone, just like that. At my potty's last attempt to survive, during the smashing, out coughed up 3 chicken breast chunks. "HUH"? "Why did my potty have last nights dinner in her guts"? "My potty ate my dinner"? "Well, how the hell is that possible"? Unless, unless, one of my kids dumped their dinner down the potty to get icecream. "hmmmm" I thought. MY OLD FAITHFUL FRIEND, THE POTTY, LITERALLY CHOKED ON CHICKEN. Now, I was pissed. The culprit ultimately ended up being my daughter and yes, she did end up being punished for this cruel act of potty slaying.
I needed to calm down and by pure habit alone, I went to my office. The bathroom. And there it was...A new potty. This potty was bigger and whiter. I felt as if my office was no longer the same with out my old friend, and now I'm supposed to welcome a new friend. All I have to say, is that this "new" friend better prove itself. It has a lot is has to live up to before I can call it my friend. New potty will never erase the good times and the memories of old faithful potty, but I'm willing to try to make things work. RIP old faithful potty.
In memory of my old friend. Here are some of my posts that were dedicated to her in the past.