Mom's that I can't stand

5/6/08 Parents that I cant stand. 

Now, I'm no perfect parent by any means, but I have a couple of gripes with other parents. This is my list of people/parents that really piss me off. 

1. I can't stand the parents that leave boogers / snots all over a kids face. You can have the cutest kid in the world, but with snots as an accessory, now you have the nastiest kid in the world..PEOPLE WASH YOUR KIDS SNOTS..

2. People that are SOOOOO into their kids. "Oh, I can't do that, my baby will be mad". " I can't leave the house, the baby doesn't like that place". "Oh, my baby hates that kind of juice".

Conversations that ONLY revolve around "the baby". Pictures of just "the baby". The baby sitting, the baby puking, the baby taking a dump, the baby blinking , etc. 

OK, first of all your baby doesn't f-cking talk. Second of all, your "baby" is only 4 months old, how does it really know what it likes?  Last, I really don't care to talk "baby", AT ALL, mind you see a million pictures of this wet rat.

3. Parents that DON'T CARE about their kids. I.E. terrorist kids, kids that threaten you and their parents. Kids that look like that haven't bathed or changed their clothes in a month. Kids that resemble walking garbage dumps. Kids with black teeth and boogers. Kids that swear and scream all of the effing time. Kids that have NO control and you damn well know that they're able to have some. Kids that can do whatever they want when they want.

People, YOU had these kids, WATCH THEM, and while your at it, give them a damned bath and put some soap in their mouths too.

I'm sure I have more "gripes" but these are my primary ones that really make me mad. 

6/8/08 Mom's that I can't stand again !!! 

I know that I have done a similar post in the past, but I realy have some gripes. All right, I have a lot of gripes, so I think for the next week or so, I'm going to specifically list, MY LIST. My list of Mom's that I can't stand.

DAY1, "The God complex Mom".

These are the types of Mom's that believe that their child/children are the best. There is no child in the world that's as good, as cute, and well behaved  as this Mom's kids. For every Mom in the world wishes her kids were like this Mom's. This child can do no wrong ever. When your in any social situation with this type of Mom. Beware. For if you talk about your child or anyone's kids for that matter. Her kid will always be better. " Ya, well, Johnny wasn't just in the newspaper for getting an A+++++++++++++++++++ in Physics at the ripe ol age of 5, but he was also on CNN and MSN".

My take on the "God complex Mom". This is one of your scariest versions of the Mom. This is the same Mom that will put a hit out on your kid because he has blue eyes and Johnny doesn't. This Mom is sitting in her basement right now, contemplating how to make home made bombs so she can blow up her best friend Jane's house, because Jane said that her kid ate all of his carrots today. This mom continuously needs verification of her Mom skills, and she does that by insulting others and making her kids far more superior. This type of Mom should have had her ovaries removed a long time ago. This Mom's kids turn into deranged sociopaths, due to the lack of social skills that they were so inhumanly deprived of. This type of Mom's kids will kill her in her sleep. If you know this kind of Mom, my best suggestion is to un-know her. She undoubtfully has a master plan to kill you and has most likely bought the products to do so. Good luck

6/9/08 Day 2, Mom;s that I can't stand 

Hi guys !!! This is day 2 of Mom's that I cant stand.

Today's Mom is the " I don't give a shit, Mom". Also known as the Trailer Park Mom, but please don't confuse this with the Ghetto Fabulous Mom, which is completely different.

Trailer Trash Mom, is the Mom that simply just doesn't give a shit. Period. She is the Mom that allows her kid/s to terrorize the neighborhood including her friends houses and family members. This Mom acts as if she sees nothing and hears nothing. These kids are often very dirty looking and have shitty mouths, usually swearing at your kids. If you never had a desire to whoop someone else's kid's ass, this kid WILL change your mind. The Trailer Trash Mom doesn't care what her kid is doing and often has a tendency to forget this kid at random people's houses. This Mom feeds this kids every whim, just to shut him/her the f*ck up. This Mom usually feeds this kid fast food. hence the Trailer Trash kid being over weight and having developmental delays. Of course though, Trailer Trash Mom sees none of this. This Mom's form of discipline is usually swearing at this kid in front of other's this way it gives the impression that she cares even though she doesn't.This Mom is also another Mom that should have had her ovaries removed before having a second child.

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Welcome to day 3 of Mom's that I can't stand. Todays Mom is the infamous, Ghetto Fabulous Mom.   

Now, the Ghetto Fabulous Mom is usually the broke Mom. This Mom's soul purpose is to pimp out her kid/s. She spends a fortune on kids clothing and accessories. Brand name everything, all the way down to the baby's ass. These babies usually adorn massive amounts of gold, including grills in their mouths or a bling bling binky. I have even seen bling bling baba's. Most often this baby's  attire costs more than my entire wardrobe. This baby will even pimp a very costly carriage.

My take on the Ghetto Fabulous Mom:

This Mom has something to prove. Most often it's an expression of "I'm wealthy". Now, if you have ever befriended a Ghetto Fabulous Mom, than you know damned well, this Mom ain't got shit. You go to this Mom's house often expecting it to be a "house". When it's just a simple broke down 20 family unit on the North End. She has no food in her cabinets and a lawn chair for a couch. There's rent a center stickers all over the little furniture that she does have. She will very often make a sorry excuse as to why she is living the way that she does. "oh, they boosted the rent". "Oh, my roommate moved out". With all of these reasons all you want to do is yell " Well, if you weren't paying a f*cking fortune on kid shit, you'd have shit.  Ghetto Fabulous Mom's are cool to have as friends, just play broke when she asks for money.

6/12/08 Day 4 of Mom's that I can't stand 

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Sorry for the delay today, for my internet wasn't working.

Ok, today's Mom is the "I'm really not a Mom, Mom. also known as the MILF.

Now, this Mom is one of those 98lb, very skinny very plastic looking women. She appears as if she had never given birth at all mind you act like she has. She will not engage in any sort of conversation about children or babies. For she acts like she has none. This Mom's entire goal in life is to get laid, and very actively pursues it. She very often dumps her kids on other people, family/friends. Her kids most often think Grandma really is Mom. She will buy unneeded items for herself but yet her kids look like sh*t and the only food that's in her house is spagettio's and macaroni and cheese. Any thing in a can. If you CAN engage this Mom in a conversation about her kids, she very often appears as if she's got her shit together and will talk highly about her kids, but usually after a couple of minutes, you can soon realize that she's nothing but a whore. She is very dramatic and any issue regarding relationships and sex , takes priority, at anytime.

My take on the "I'm really not a Mom, Mom: or MILF

This woman is very insecure and selfish. Her main goal in life is to get laid and will take everyone else down with her. Most often she is described as a tornado. She is devious, an opportunist and a backstabber. Thank God for this Mom's Mom, for her kids would have been taken away a long time ago. If you are friends with this type of Mom, my best advice is keep your husbands and boyfriends away. If she feels like you have a good thing going, she will try to steal him. Keep your kids away, for your kids don't need to see hookers in your home. Only go out with her if your bombed or desperate and really need to get laid. 

6/13/08 Day 6 of Mom's that I cant stand.. 

Today's Mom of the day is the "Drunk" Mom. This Mom is the type of Mom that is drunk all of the time hardly ever aware of her surroundings. Most often this Mom doesn't have friends and no one comes to visit. She has a tendency to smell quite badly of alcohol and sometimes barf. Her kids are hardly ever taking care of. If you DO manage to have a semi decent conversation with this woman, you often come to the conclusion that she's really smart, but not smart enough to lay off the booze. Her appearance most often looks like shit and she will hardly ever keep a job, if she can get one. This Mom"main priority in life is to get alcohol and then consume it.

My take on the Drunk Mom:

If your friends with a Drunk Mom, stop trying to save the day. There is no hope. She needs some hope first. Visit her occasionally, for she will never visit you. If you want to be her best friend, bring some booze. Be leery of going over there though. Most often her house will smell like barf and shit. But no need to worry, that's normal for her house and her kids are used to it.

Day of Mom's that I can't stand. 

Today's special Mom of the day is the "Princess Mom". 

The Princess Mom, is the very petty Mom. This is the Mom that will take her kids out to a park, to not play. She will not allow her kids to get dirty or to socialize with other children that are not clean. She's another one of those Mom's that puts her kids on a pedestal but has no problem pointing out her kids flaws. She believes that her kids are better than yours but that's because she "protects" them so well. She will make up excuses or invalid reasons as to why her kids aren't perfect. "You know, they did almost diagnose her with ADHD" ( as her child is swinging on the swing like any other normal kid in the world). She will talk to anyone, and always about herself. She will try to play the "lets compare game", but any semi wise person in the world would have caught on to what she's trying to do.

My take on the Princess Mom:

She's a self centered ass that get's none. She is very  self conscience of what others think of her and often demands validation by trying to prove herself to complete strangers. Most often she won't shut the f*ck up, and annoys a majority of people. She is stuck in such a bubble in her own world that she can't function under stress. I.E. a dirty floor, dirt on a kid's hand, a messy face. This woman will have no problems pointing out your child's needs too. "He really needs his shoes washed". This is the type of Mom that you WANT to get drunk, just to chill her the f*ck out. This woman's stress has a tendency to spill on to others. If you are friends with the Princess Mom, well, my best suggestion is to hang out very seldom and never take her to your house. EVER. If you do decide to hang out, go to a bar first, this way you're a little tipsy and can tolerate her better.

6/14/08 MoM's that I cant stand day i'M NOT SURE

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Today's Mom of the day is the Happy Mom, also known as the "high" Mom. This Mom I can actually stand so I shouldn't have that in my link huh?

Now, the Happy Mom is the type of Mom that no matter how shitty things can be or get, she's always happy and finds the good in it all. Her kids take full advantage of her and are often terrorists. Her kids have no discipline for discipline is bad. Basically even though the Mom is there for her kids, her kids still manage to raise themselves. This Mom has no realms with other peoples parenting skill or styles. She will actually adore your kids. She offers no advice except when shit hits the fan, than she offers "good" words. This Mom is often described as dingy.

My take on  High Mom:

6/15/08 Last day Of Mom's that I can't stand 

OK, well today is the last day of the Mom's that I can't stand. I'm sure that I have a lot more types of Mom's to write about, and I'm sure that I will in the near future, but I don't want to continue to bore you guys with this. So today's Mom is..........................................................

The "burnt out Mom"

Now, this is where I fall into this category. You see, I am exactly that. The burn out Mom. Not that I blame my being burnt out because of drugs or anything. It's just that I am completely and totally brain fried. So, I guess technically speaking, I can't stand myself, huh? Now, The Burnt out Mom is often the Mom that can't remember shit. She often can't remember dates of appointments, pets names, and also her kids names. Why, you ask? Because she is too damned busy to remember the important stuff. :) Now, this type of Mom likes to think that she's an awesome mom and has her shit together but in reality she really doesn't. Her life runs smoothly but that's because of all of her daily reminders. This Mom has often been referred to as the ADHD Mom. This Mom really doesn't have Attention deficit, but to shut people up and to hurry things along she has managed to adapt the yup system. The Yup system is simply saying yup, uh huh, and really, when another person is talking to her, all the while she's contemplating something completely irrelevant in her head.

My take of the burnt out Mom:

If you need to talk to her make is damned interesting because the odds are that she's not going to remember it the next day. Call her frequently for reminders, and if she starts using the yup system on you, than you know it's a bad time and to try at a different time. Don't expect or ask too much from her. It's not that she doesn't want to be there for you or yours, it's just that she can't remember. Please don't take her offensively.

So, on that note. This is the conclusion to the Mom's that I can't stand. If you guys want more, let me know, if not, than I'll continue writing my daily craziness....see ya..

7/5/08     A new edition to the Mom's that I can't stand. 

Welcome, this is my new edition to the Mom's that I can't stand series. If you have no idea as to what I'm talking about, please see the big ass link above.

Today's edition is the " Even though I'm not a Mom, I'm gonna act like your kid's Mom, nonMom". This is aka your friend/relative, etc. This woman is your childless friend that swears to God that she has kids and knows Everything about raising them, disciplining them and everything in between. She will act on her bullshit knowledge by using your kids as guinea pigs. Yes, your kids are her experiment. She will make up rules and yell at your kids and genuinely gets mad when they don't listen ( they don't listen cause while she's yelling, your sticking your tongue out and making the coo coo sign behind her back). The kids treat her like she's a psycho (well, they're not too far fetched). 

My take on the NonMom Mom:

This bitch read waaaay tooo many books and watched the birthing process one too many times. In reality she  envies the fact that you have kids and wants to prove to you that she too can be a good Mom. The problem is, that she's not YOUR kids Mom. If she gets too annoying and out of hand, just simply tell her that you Love the way she acts like your kids Mom and that you found a new job and are currently looking for a 10 hour a day babysitter. That right there should shut her the f*ck up. If it doesn't than really play the babysitter in an emergency card, odds are that'll be the last time she acts like a nonMom Mom.